No one has ever born knowing how to communicate; we all need to learn to be effective communicators
Why do we have poor communications?
·                We haven’t been taught how to communicate effectively
·                We haven’t allow ourselves to become effective communicators

So the first thing is, if you want to see changes in you, you must decide to change.  Decide today to see yourself as an effective communicator.
Advantages of being an effective communicator
-          Effective communication simplify our life
-          Effective communication easily creates networks
-          Effective communication convey the message smoothly
-          Effective communication ensure better results
-          Effective communication  reduce lots of stress
-          Effective communication  reduce misunderstanding
-          Effective communication builds strong relationships

Things to consider
1.                  Have an attitude of conversation not argumentation towards those you are communicating
  • Conversation – talkings that  aim to reach at a particular solution
  • Arguments – talking that may lead to hurts, finding a winner or a looser

2.                  Be a Good Listener, and demand to be listened when possible.
We have very many people who like to talk but very few listeners.
After listening, demand also to be listened, asks your friend to let you finish talking then he/she will have time to speak.
You will never reach anywhere if both of you will like to speak at the same time.

     How to be a good listener
·                                Listen well and understand the speaker
·                                Understand the  objective of what is spoken
·                                Ask where you haven’t got the point well
·                                Summarize what is spoken, and say it in your own way to show how you got it.
·                                Show your agreement openly; give reasons for your agreement or disagreement.

3.             Be a confident speaker
·         Your confidence gives strength to your message.
·         Your confidence captures easily the mind of your listener.
·         Don’t allow your listener/listeners to doubt your confidence

 What to do to be a Confident Active Speaker
a)            Use “I” Sentences, than “You” sentences.
 Always a confident Person will be able to direct the matter to him/herself and not to be defensive.
For example. “I would like to speak to you”
               “I am not happy with what you have done”
b)            Use sentences rather than question.
This will show that you have confidence with what you are presenting and with yourself as well.
               For example; Instead of saying “How do you guys think of his/her behaviour?”
   Say “I am not satisfied with his/her behaviour”.

c)             Use confession sentences rather than complaints
Confession sentences are sentences that explain what the speaker would like to see happen, while complaints are a sentence that shows what the speaker wouldn’t like for instance; complaints – “I don’t like the way you take me”.
Confession – “I would like you to have a right attitude towards me”.

4.             Learn to use your body language positively
How do you use your body to convey your message, remember your body talks. More than 50% of the communication is done out of involving the mouths
Even when we use our mouths, more than 60% of the message is conveyed through other means including body language.
This involves; facial impression, wrinkles, eyes, lips, norse, open or closed posture, hands etc. Even you wearing styles is covered here.

Chris Mauki
Phd candidate (Psychology)
Universoty of Pretoria


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